Pete Patriarch’s Musings

December 9, 2007

An older article about men committing suicide after divorce

Filed under: Uncategorized — Pete @ 8:46 pm

I saw this article today on CNN.com, about how men are more likely to commit suicide after divorce. This was written on March 15, 2000, more than 7 full years ago. As we head into 2008, its worth noting that the laws have only gotten worse, judgements have gotten more punitive, and child visitation is still not enforced while there are more and more methods to punish men who can’t pay child support.

Men more likely to commit suicide after divorce, study finds

March 15, 2000
Web posted at: 10:36 AM EST (1536 GMT)


In this story:
A variation in coping
Women suffer too
Staggering results
Only for the divorced
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By Sarah Yang

(WebMD) — Men seeking a good reason to salvage their marriages may want to consider this: A new study finds that divorced and separated men are two and a half times more likely to commit suicide than married men.

Divorce, however, doesn’t seem to lead more women to commit suicide — a surprising finding considering the popular wisdom that women suffer more than men after a divorce, according to the study, published this week in the Journal of Epidemiology and Community Health.

“We now need to look at the possibility that divorce negatively affects men, too,” said study author Augustine Kposowa, Ph.D., an associate professor of sociology at the University of California at Riverside. Women are set back financially, he said, but “the man does not emerge unscathed.”

A variation in coping

The difference, he theorized, lies in how men and women form social bonds. Men make friends with whom they can hang out, and women make friends with whom they can share their feelings. “Women are socialized to have more friends, deeper friendships, and so on. Men are socialized differently, to be macho, and do not have much deeper friendships. So when a divorce occurs, women have more of a social support network.”

Another reason why men may have problems coping with divorce is that they not only lose the role of husband, but their fatherly role also often changes, said Bruce Hillowe, J.D., Ph.D., a family law attorney and a clinical psychologist in Long Island, New York.

“It’s still generally the case that when children are involved, the mother becomes the custodial parent,” said Hillowe. Generally speaking, “men lose the role of being a father in a way that women do not lose the role of being a mother.”

Compounding the problem: Men often feel like they’re responsible for the failure of a marriage, said Alvin Baraff, Ph.D., an expert on relationships from a male perspective, and founder and director of Men Center Counseling in Washington, D.C.

“Typically, the man is shocked at the news that he’s going to be divorced,” said Baraff, noting that women initiate the majority of divorce proceedings. “The woman has also been dropping hints all over the place for the man, but he just doesn’t get it. He never thinks it’s as bad as she does. He’s lost not only a wife, he typically loses his children, home, and money.”

Women suffer too

That’s not to say divorce is a bed of roses for women, said Howard Markman, Ph.D., author of “Fighting for Your Marriage” and a psychologist at The University of Denver. Rather, the findings reflect different coping styles between the sexes. “Men, in general, in the face of stress, tend to do more destructive coping, like turn to substance abuse,” Markman said.

He pointed out that men tend to have a higher suicide rate because they are more likely to use guns to kill themselves, whereas women attempt suicide with less lethal methods, such as poisonings or cuts.

Staggering results

Kposowa analyzed data on more than 472,000 people collected from 1979 to 1989. Of that group, 545 people committed suicide, with men outnumbering women four-to-one.

Confirming other studies on suicide, Kposowa found that for both sexes, poverty and age increased the risk of killing oneself — those 65 and over have a 55 percent greater risk than people aged 15 to 24. White men in the study were also 51 percent more likely than African American men to commit suicide, a finding that may suggest a stronger support network among men in the black community, Kposowa said.

The study emphasizes the need to adjust the gender roles expected by society, said Constance Ahrons, Ph.D., author of “The Good Divorce” and a sociology professor at the University of Southern California. But experts admit that convincing men to acquaint themselves with their emotional side can be a hard sell. “Maybe, if we go back to (a younger) age, we can teach men skills for having friendships,” Ahrons said.

Only for the divorced

Unlike prior research on marriage and suicide, this study showed that widowed and single people weren’t at higher risk for suicide.

“With death (of a spouse), I don’t think there is that sense of failure that follows divorce. There’s no sense of personal inadequacy,” Hillowe explained. “I guess in (the) case (of divorce) it’s not better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.”

Look at how, from the very beginning, the topic of male suicides is like an afterthought. Look at how they say that men should try to salvage their marriage, while inside the article, the actual researchers say “Men often feel like they’re responsible for the failure of a marriage.”

 

Guys, its not going to get any better anytime soon. This stuff is not a secret, the fact is that nobody cares.

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8 Comments »

  1. I was interested in the topic so I started reading but got no further than the author’s first 2 bullshit paragraphs:

    The arrogance and nerve of her to use suicide statistics to try and “motivate” men to remain in marriages when 3/4 of the time it is the cunt who walks out. It’s as if she is implying that married men should be even more pussy whipped so as not to piss off their (own) home wrecking wives.

    Then the 2nd paragraph regurgitating feminazi propaganda about cunts suffering more after a divorce was more than I could stand so I stopped reading there.

    This article by Miss Sarah (fuck me up the Ying) Yang is a perfect example of why I no longer bother reading anything written by cunts.

    Comment by Uzem & Luzem — December 9, 2007 @ 9:36 pm

  2. “This stuff is not a secret, the fact is that nobody cares.”

    This is it. Noone cares. And they still claim that women are somehow not better off than men, despite men loosing house, children, and money.

    Do not marry.

    Comment by hjr — December 10, 2007 @ 3:09 am

  3. “That’s not to say divorce is a bed of roses for women,”

    Nope but she gets the house, salary for no work, child support, and the kids.

    She gets to keep the love and intimacy the family provided.

    He gets nothing, maybe the debts of her…

    “Rather, the findings reflect different coping styles between the sexes.”

    Maybe there are different effects of divorce on the sexes, and maybe different effects create different solutions???? And also well known is that there is a much larger emotional security network available to women than to men…

    Hell… they got the kids….

    ” “Men, in general, in the face of stress, tend to do more destructive coping, like turn to substance abuse,” Markman said.”

    Same stress? Different stress? Same amounts of stress? Same help given?

    What about calling a woman who is using alcohol to cope with stress, a victim, and the man in the same condition an alcoholic????

    “He pointed out that men tend to have a higher suicide rate because they are more likely to use guns to kill themselves, whereas women attempt suicide with less lethal methods, such as poisonings or cuts. ”

    Maybe men are more desperate and really do want to kill themselves while women are using suicide as another tool to get affection from society, so feigning suicide, instead of killing themselves.. It aint that hard to fall on a 20 inch kitchen knife, is it?

    But no, the cut themselves and then call the best friend saying goodby, I cut myself… guess who calls 911…

    Try doing that with a man who has lost everything… Puts the gun to his head, calls his best friend, and bam…

    Comment by ze german — December 10, 2007 @ 4:58 am

  4. I think that if another study is done about men and women going through divorces and contemplating /committing suicide, you will find that the main deterrent for a woman ARE the children.

    Children are the only reason to go on wanting or more to the point.. NEEDING to live, so yes men probably do tend to commit suicide more often, for the simple fact that they don’t have the responsibility of raising those kids.. for whatever reason.

    Comment by Been There — January 11, 2008 @ 3:39 am

  5. Googling the phrase “Does divorce kill men?” gets zero hits. Given that suicide represents a major health risk for men, and that divorce constitutes a major risk for suicide, this seems odd. I believe the question deserves an answer. Does anyone agree?

    Mark in TX

    Comment by Mark in TX — June 2, 2008 @ 10:00 am

  6. Well this isnt very encouraging. My wife just told me tonight 11/21 that she was only faking it and trying to get through the holidays but i should hire an attorney because she was going divorce me after the holidays. I have two kids i adore and two homes and a job that is on the precipice of the economy right now. I fear for so much right now and figure I’m about three steps closer to my grave.

    Comment by closetoedge — November 21, 2008 @ 12:18 am

  7. Closetoedge, don’t lose heart. Remember that there is a lot of help out there once you start looking, and that you’re in a good position because your wife has already warned you.

    Consult an attorney and focus on getting your kids for custody. If you get custody you remove her biggest weapon, that she has the kids and can terrorize you with them and extract ever-increasing amounts of money out of you.

    You can also find a divorced men’s group nearby you with the help of the Internet.

    I wish you all the best.

    Comment by Pete — November 22, 2008 @ 10:45 am

  8. The courts roll the men on purpose and they don’t discus the fucked up economy.

    If you are a man and get a divorce, it makes you a criminal to the state.
    If you want nothing you still have to pay..

    I paid jack shit for an attorney and get the same shit other men pay for.

    Don’t feed the lions because it doesn’t do ant good.

    Our system is fucked. You could get a collaborative divorce but it doesn’t get you your kids.

    A woman knows the law as it’s passed down from her mother. They abuse the system. The state milks the conflict for there financial gain and you have no rights!

    Comment by Anonymous — October 23, 2010 @ 5:09 pm


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